When Black is Burned
by Yonahdoxie57
Summary: Cas is certain Dean hates him after killing Billy. When he starts randomly falling asleep Dean thinks it's the start of the 'cosmic consequences' for breaking the deal. Then Dean is trapped in Cas' nightmare in purgatory where they can barely survive Billy's revenge. Dean just wants to get his angel home in one piece! Destiel fluff. Whump! hurt!Cas, hurt!Dean, no smut. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1 Burned Black

My heart yearned for a sort of fix fic after watching Season 12 Episode 9, First Blood, and I've kept myself from binge watching further till I finished this story. I know it won't happen the way I want it to. I've been a busy little bee getting this done for readers who have asked for more! I'm totally taking right from the script at the start! I don't own anything to do with Supernatural, it's plot or beautiful character development.

Just then an angel blade came out from the center of her chest and Billy's body fell down lifeless onto the wooden bridge.

"Cas…" Dean swallowed thickly. "What have you done?" All the Winchesters stared blankly at Castiel.

"What had to be done." Cas still held his blade in his hand. He grimaced through his explanation. "You know, this world, this sad, doomed little world...it needs you. It needs every last Winchester it can get and I will not let you die. I won't let ANY of you die." Cas' emotions became more mixed with his words and they came out passionately now. "And I won't let you sacrifice yourselves. You mean too much to me...to everything." The brothers and Mary all glared at this, Castiel's sudden confession, but didn't know what to say. Cas continued slightly more calm now. "Yeah, you made a deal. You made a stupid deal and I broke it." Dean had to look away now. Cas now slightly perturbed, ended. "You're welcome."

The four walked slowly back to the car, Cas taking one last look at Billy to shake away any possible regret of his actions. Sam offered to his mom that he drive since she almost just shot herself in her head. Besides, it was going to be a seven hour drive back to the bunker and they could take turns driving. No one said anything to one another. Until Sam pulled off the freeway just outside of Denver and exclaimed a pit stop. He said something about missing coffee and all but leapt out of the car. Cas got out but stayed behind leaning up against the back bumper. He looked up at the stars with his arms crossed. He began a conversation with himself in his head.

'I know that was the right thing to do. I'm certain of it. But… what if they all hate me now. It's okay. Is it? They can hate me. I won't be surprised if they're all talking about it now, 'let's ditch this angel dick.' I believe that's something Dean would say but I probably said it wrong. But… I don't think I could go on being estranged from my brothers and sisters AND the Winchesters. They're my friends. Dean said I was a brother. I'm family to him. But who could keep on loving me. I can't do anything right. I can't even hunt. I'm not even a strong angel anymore.'

Castiel thought back to the image of them emerging from the woods in damp gray prison jumpsuits only an hour or two ago.

"Sam." he said quickly but on making out Dean's figure Cas couldn't house his relief from his tone. "Dean!"

"Cas." Dean's mouth fell open.

"Cas." Sam breathed his name and fell into a tight hug with him. Sam was just happy to see someone he cared about. If Cas was okay that meant he was going to be okay then he looked up and saw her. "Mom." And he went to embrace her as well.

Cas and Dean thumped into a fond hug. Dean smiled above his shoulder "Hey, buddy." Cas was just so relieved to see them alive and in one piece. His brothers were back.

Castiel's thoughts came back to his current surroundings leaning against Mary's car.

'I'm nothing without them. I can't even ask the right questions to find a single monster. My social skills are lacking greatly but with them I can be at ease. If I can just keep them safe they can keep saving people. Those three girls didn't have to die. They would have saved them. I failed them. I failed their families. What's an angel without its wings anyway? Nothing. I'm just in the way. Maybe I should just walk away now. I should be gone by the time they get back to the car.'

"Earth to Cas!" Dean was all but waving his hand in his face trying to get his attention. "You still with us buddy?"

"Dean, I….you must hate me." Cas silently prepared to look into Dean's soul to be certain he wasn't lying when he answered. He couldn't take it if Dean truly hated him but he needed to know.

"No, no Cas. It's not that. It's just…well, here." He took a moment to compose himself and he handed Cas his own cup of coffee. Dean leaned against the car next to him sipping his own. Cas only stood there, not moving the cup of warm darkness to his mouth. He planted his feet for the truth. "Cas, I should have said it back then. You mean a lot to us too." Cas was sure he was telling the truth and he knit his eyebrows together out of relief. "I'm sorry we just didn't know what to say. It's just that Sammy and I are so used to sacrificing ourselves for each other, that's what family does. And mom stepping up and saving us, well it was just so brave and she's our mom. But you." Dean stood up straight and placed a firm hand on Cas' shoulder. "You know I see you as a brother already, well now, after you saved our mom. You can officially join the family!" Dean smiled from ear to ear and slapped Cas' shoulder.

"Dean, I.. I'm not good enough to be a Winchester. Charley, she was worthy. Even my vessel's daughter is worthy of such a title. But I have nothing to bring to the table. Besides, I don't think Mary wants to be a mother to me, all I do is cause her trouble and make her clean up after my messes."

"That's not true." Mary said calmly. She and Sam were near the car and had been listening to the end of the conversation.

"You would be a great little brother, Cas." Sam added with a smile.

"You care for us and you look after my boys. You are this family's guardian angel."

"I'm sorry but I can't accept."

"You don't get a choice. Sometimes you don't choose your family, family chooses you." Dean added happily.

Before Castiel could argue they started getting into the car. After about an hour Sam and Mary were asleep in the backseat. Mary's head resting on Sam's arm and His head resting atop her head. Dean fixed the rearview mirror so he could look up and see what could be the most beautiful sight he's ever seen. Cas was sitting in the front passenger seat looking out the window at the stars taking gulps of the yummy coffee Dean bought for him. Looking out the car window was the closest feeling he could get to flying. How he missed his wings and the feeling of air passing between his feathers. But the feeling wasn't as breathtaking as the sights. He could flash over oceans in a second all while enjoying every last inch of the crystal waters with the light okay on the surface. He could fly from California to South Carolina taking in every emerald lake, every wild mountain, every flowered valley, every great work created by his Father without missing a single tree and still arrive at his destination in one small moment.

But then there's the stars…

Flying while the sun was on the other side of the planet was his favorite. Now, the stars did mostly make him feel homesick for heaven and he might not be welcome there anymore but no one can take the sky away.

"Hey man. You okay, buddy?" Dean asked taking a quick second to look over at the preoccupied angel.

"I'm fine." He responded dryly.

"Cas, c'mon. Snap out of it. You heard Sam and mom, they're not mad at you. Neither am I. I'm just worried is all."

"Worried about what?"

"You know the whole, 'cosmic catastrophes' and all that shit Billy was going on about." Dean checked the rear view mirror again.

"I'm not sure what she meant by that. There are thousands of misplaced souls. If anything, your soul being in purgatory should have been the cosmic catastrophe. I believe she was bluffing."

"And you too." Dean added.

"What?"

"You being in purgatory. I'm sure that was one for the record books."

"I don't have a soul."

"Well, your grace then, an angel. Whatever it was, it wasn't natural."

"I'm not enough to cause anything with 'cosmic consequences'." Castiel threw up the air quotes.

"What? You threw a freakin' molotov at an archangel! And you smashed Lucifer with a guitar! Not to mention you dragged me out of the pit! Dude, don't you remember? You're awesome! You eat cosmic stuff for breakfast!"

Cas chuckled a bit a looked down at his lap. "Thanks, Dean."

"I mean it." Dean said seriously.

"I know." Cas looked over to Dean who was able to spare him a grin and a glance before getting back to the road ahead. "Do you want me to drive? You look tired."

"Nah, man. I'm happy. I missed driving. Now this isn't my baby but I'm happy right here. I got enough sleep in that room."

"You said it was worse than hell?"

"It was in some ways. I mean they didn't torture us like in hell. But God, what I would have given for at least ten minutes of torture. Something, anything to think about." Dean paused then continued more quietly and checked to make sure the backseat passengers were still asleep. "I prayed to you." Dean confessed.

"I know. For six weeks, three days and seven hours." Then it just stopped. You sounded so desperate in your last prayer. Like you gave up hope. Dean, it tore me apart that I couldn't get to you and Sam. I'm so sorry. I want you to know that I did everything in my power to find out where you were being held. I asked Crowley for help and I even sought out Rowena. Though she wouldn't even speak to me. At least Crowley let me buy him a drink.

"Ha! What did you get him?"

"Something with a superfluous and brightly colored tiny umbrella in it." Cas informed.

"That's great!" Dean chuckled changing his grip on the wheel.

"But going back to what you were saying about a consequence for my actions." He waited for Dean to get serious with him. "If there are any, they are mine to bear. I broke the agreement and I'll deal with it."

"No… We'll deal with it together." He looked over again, "Got it?" He warned. Cas only sighed and didn't say anything else because he didn't want to argue. When it came down to it he would deal with it and try to keep it as far away from his Winchesters as possible.

The two didn't talk anymore and Cas went back to his star gazing. Before long and without Cas giving himself the permission to, he dozed off with his head leaning on the glass of the closed window.

"I need to make a stop really quick." Dean said as he got off at the exit hoping to find a gas station to fuel up and find a bathroom. He didn't think much of the absent reply. He pulled up to the pump stuck the hose in and pulled the lever to start depositing gas. He went inside, used the bathroom and grabbed a bunch of his favorite snacks and drinks before coming back to the car. While he was walking back he took a look at Cas who was still leaning against the window and Dean wasn't sure yet but he looked like he was asleep. Dean walked a little faster to find that his eyes were closed. What had happened? How long has he been out?

Dean opened the passenger door and quickly reached out to catch the falling angel.

"Woah! Cas!"

Sam and Mary woke up and as Dean shook Cas awake.

"Dean?" Cas was confused why he was waking up in the hunter's arms and he quickly sat up under his own power.

Sam jumped out of the car and came to squat next to Cas' open door. Mary leaned forward in her seat.

"What happened?" Sam begged.

"He was out cold." Dean answered quickly.

"No, worse. I think I was sleeping."

"What?" Sam was concerned and met Dean's worried eyes.

"I thought angels didn't need sleep." Mary leaned in more.

"They don't." Sam answered his mom.


	2. Chapter 2 Burned Black

"What's wrong with you?" Dean looked up to Castiel.

"I'm not sure." He furrowed his brow.

"Well, let's just get home first. Then we'll figure it out." Dean commanded letting go of Cas' shoulder he has been holding this whole time for unnecessary support.

"I'll drive." Mary suggested and Sam took the front seat with her. Dean and Cas in the backseat together. After about a half an hour or so Cas spoke quietly to Dean.

"Dean, I think...I think I need to sleep again. My eyes feel heavier and my head aches slightly."

"Yeah, that's called being tired, buddy. Just lean your head back and close your eyes. It'll be awhile before we get home so go ahead and rest." Cas looked depressed about it and seemed worried. "It's okay. We'll watch over you." Dean grinned at the chance to say that to his angel for once.

"Alright." Cas agreed reluctantly and situated his hips so he could lean his head back against the top of the head rest. Dean was watching out of the corner of his eye waiting to see if he actually would fall asleep. He was out in two minutes.

Just then Mary changed lanes with a sharp turn of the wheel and Cas' upper body tilted towards Dean stopping with his fluffy dark hair against Dean's shoulder. He shuffled in his sleep and got more comfortable against Dean's shoulder. Dean looked up to notice his mom was grinning devilishly in the rearview mirror. Dean didn't see Sam give Mary a small and silent high five hidden between them. Later Dean fell asleep too, resting his cheek against Castiel's fluffy locks. The sight made Mary smile proudly. Sam was sleeping again and tenderly snored. Mary had all her boys asleep, safe in her car while she drove them home and that filled her with such joy.

"C'mon sleeping beauties!" Mary called as she put the car in park in front of the bunker. Sam and Dean jolted awake and Cas yawned slowly before opening his eyes and realizing the situation he was in. Both Cas and Dean leaned away from each other quickly but didn't exchange any words, only silent glares.

They all staggered down the iron stairs into the bunker. Before Dean made it to the bottom he realized Cas didn't have a place to sleep. There was an empty room across the hall from his room but it just had a desk in it. Dean explained to Cas he could take the pillow topper off his bed and Cas could use it like a futon for now. Dean explained they could go buy a real bed and mattress tomorrow, for now they all needed to rest. Castiel tried to argue that there wasn't a need to purchase him an actual bed but Dean insisted that it was high time he had his own room in the bunker. Cas felt loved and allowed Dean to continue. Sam and Mary incoherently said good night and shuffled off to their own rooms. Both men carried the floppy mattress topper across the hall and placed it on the floor. Dean went back and grabbed an extra blanket from his closet and took one of the pillows from off his bed for Cas to borrow. Dean started to apologize but Cas explained it was the most comfortable bed he's ever had. Dean smiled, wished his best friend a good night and walked back across the hall to his room. He decided to leave the doors cracked open, just in case Cas would need anything. Dean then turned to the bed he missed so much and landed face down and sprawled out. The bunker was silent while the whole family caught up on their sleep.

Dean rolled over and checked the time on the clock on his nightstand. It was 3:34 P.M. Dean didn't care about sleeping too much he was just happy to be able to know the time of day again. He sat up on the edge of the bed and stretched his arms. He then trudged across the cold floor, out into the hall and peeked into Castiel's room. There he was sleeping peacefully on the floor. He had folded his outer clothing and placed it to the side. Dean wondered if he had anything on underneath the blanket but he saw his white undershirt around his pale neck. Cas was covered completely by the blanket and he laid in his side clutching his arms to his chest with his knees bent up. Dean rubbed his eyes and smiled as he turned to shuffle his way down to the kitchen. Dean opened the fridge to find it was completely empty except for a note left at the shelf closest to eye level.

Went out for food and pie.

Be back soon.

3 Mom and Sam

Dean took the chilled paper and reveled in the little heart his mom drew. It was such a small thing but brought such a wonderful feeling to him. Just then Dean heard Cas yell from down the hall. He took off running with his bare feet slapping the stone floor. Dean used the doorway to brace his sudden stop. Cas was having a bad dream. His muscles twitched slightly and his throat made tiny weak noises. Dean steadied his breath before kneeling down and deciding to wake Castiel from his nightmare.

"Hey now. Cas, it's okay. Wake up." Dean chided. However, Cas did not wake up. Den leaned in closer and shook Cas' arm rewiring himself again. The angel shuddered under Dean's touch and that alone seemed to calm him down.

"I guess you really need to sleep."

Dean waited a few moments until Cas' expressions calmed. He didn't notice it now but Cas' face had a thin sheen of sweat on it. Probably from the dream.

Dean left Cas to take a shower and when he was done Sam and Mary had returned with groceries galore. He darned his favorite gray robe to go help put groceries away. Dean dreamt of the pork shoulder he would braise in beer later. They even bought potatoes he could mash up with sour cream. Dean ran through his mind with all the possibilities he could whip up to impress his mom. He couldn't wait to get started on dinner.

"How's Cas? Still sleeping I take it?" Sam asked while he restocked fresh ground coffee into a canister by the coffee machine.

"Yeah, but you know what? He was totally having a nightmare earlier." Dean reported.

"That's…" Sam tried to find a word.

"It's freakin' weird." Dean finished.

Mary added. "I know this is new territory for you and everything but don't you think he's slept long enough? He slept all that time in the car too."

"Yeah, he looked real comfy too." Sam teased his brother knowing he would have something thrown at him from across the kitchen any second.

Without thinking Dean grabbed the cardboard beer holder he had just emptied, flattened it and whipped it at Sam like a frisbee aimed at his head. Sam barely got his hand up in time to block but he still held his ear to ear grin. Mary smiled too. It was a small glimpse of all the years she had missed. Boys being boys.

Dean huffed and stomped out of the kitchen. He naturally went to check on Cas again. Castiel's eyes were furiously darting back and forth under his sunken eyelids. Dean hated to see him like this so he decided to try to wake him again.

"Cas! Snap out of it!" This time Dean firmly grabbed him to turn him onto his back. Cas replied with a whimper but didn't wake. Dean tried something he used to do to Sammy during nightmares to help him feel whole and cared for when he was younger. He placed his hand on Castiel's chest, above his heart and pressed firmly.

*Flash*

Dean was suddenly transported. It was brighter than the bunker was a second ago but the monotone colors and the sourness in the air told Dean where he was.

This was purgatory.


	3. Chapter 3 Burned Black

Dean began to panic while he spun around wildly breathing quick till he heard a familiar voice come from over the top of the nearest hillcrest. He took off running uphill through the thick tree coverage. Dean didn't bother to notice but he was fully clothed, not in his robe from after his shower but black jeans and a tight black T-shirt compete with his favorite watch and a few stray bracelets he normally wore. His hair was styled with product and he was wearing his shoes too. He didn't have time to think about his wardrobe while he ran up the hill to save his best friend. The sound he heard was Cas yelling angrily. He couldn't make out the words but it didn't matter. He made it to the top to find it was a bank for a raging river. Dean stood on the rough sandy beach panicked that he couldn't find Cas. The water of the river was black and in it floated purgatory debris; a few limbs, clothing without it's owner, discarded sticks that were probably used as weapons at some point among other pieces of filth. Dean looked up and found Castiel. He was standing close to the edge of a cliff that overlooked the river. It was at least an eight story drop. Dean hated how close Cas was to the edge. He couldn't see the other person but Cas was obviously arguing with someone. He yelled incoherently again in anger.

Dean called up to him desperately. "Cas!"

Castiel immediately turned his head and saw Dean. The figure he was arguing with took the opportunity to shove Castiel. He took one stumbling step backwards but it wasn't enough to correct his imbalance and so Castiel, Angel of the Lord, fell off the edge of the cliff and began to plummet towards the fierce river below.

"Nooo!" Dean's word still hung on his lips when he woke up on the floor of the bunker being held in his mother's lap.

"Dean!" Mary held his face in her hand.

"Dean! What happened?" Sam was right there too.

"I...I was in purgatory." Dean confessed and Sam swallowed thickly. "Cas was there. I need to go back! He fell! Did you wake me?"

"Yeah, you yelled his name and we came running to find you passed out next to him on the floor." Sam explained.

"Don't wake me up again. Don't touch us. I don't know what's going on but just trust me. Cas needs help. I need to get back into his dream." Dean scooted onto the makeshift bed not wanting to waste any time and shamelessly grabbed Castiel's hand and gripped as tight as he could.

*Flash*

It was less disorienting this time since he was prepared for it. Dean found himself at the bank of the river. Cas wasn't at the top of the cliff anymore but the person who shoved him was. It was Billy. She turned and walked away from the edge and out of Dean's line of sight. Dean's eyes began searching the dark water. He started to run down river along the bank trying to find that stupid trench coat. The river took a turn to the right around a large boulder and just as Dean ran around the corner he saw Cas on all fours coughing up dark water into the sand between his hands. He ran right up him leaving no room for pleasantries he gripped Cas' trench coat lapels tight enough to turn his knuckles white and abruptly raised the shorter Cas to his feet. Dean stood toe to toe with his angel. He didn't know if he should kiss him because he was so happy or clock him for making him worry so damn much. He didn't waver in his grip while he debated what his reaction would be. He gave up fighting himself and settled for resting his forehead against Cas' own soaked brow. The closest he had ever really allowed himself to be to his best friend.

"Don't you dare do that again, you stupid son of a bitch." Dean grit his teeth, squeezed his eyes and still wouldn't let go.

Cas only picked up his chin, without breaking their physical contact, trying to read Dean's pained expression. Water was dripping from his chin and the tips of his fingers. Cas was shocked that Dean was even there.

"Dean… How?..."

Dean allowed a few inches of space between their faces so he could look the angel in the eye.

"Does that matter?! I just saw you fall off a cliff and...I thought I was going to lose you."

"It's true if I died in purgatory I highly doubt I would go back to heaven. We would never see each other again. I'm sorry to have worried you, Dean."

"We're not in purgatory. Not for real. You're dreaming. This is your dream." Dean finally let go and switched to holding both of Cas' shoulders in his palms. Dean bent his head down slightly to maintain eye contact in their closeness. Castiel looked up in unbelief. "Dude, we're at the bunker. We just drive home together with mom and Sammy. Remember? We just escaped that prison and you saved us from Billy. You said we were too important to die. Remember all that?"

There were a few moments where Dean watched the wheels in Cas' head turn and finally sync into place. "Yes. You returned after six weeks. You called me brother and gave me a bed and your pillow. I remember now." Dean loved that those were his highlighted memories from the past twenty-four hours. Cas' eyes seemed glossy and Dean finally let him go.

"Alright. Enough of the chick flick moments!" Dean exclaimed.

"... And I killed the reaper, Billy."

"Yeah, you did it to save us."

"That's why she attacked me. Wait. Did you say this is my dream? I'm sleeping?"

"Yeah, pretty heavily too. I tried waking you up, twice."

"I'm not injured, am I?" Cas was trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together.

"No, not at all. Just tired as hell."

"Were you… near me when I was sleeping?" Cas asked carefully.

Dean felt a slight blush about the way their bodies we're back in the real world right now. "Come to think of it, yeah actually. You fell asleep in the front seat when I was driving, then in the backseat with me… Then just across the hall all morning. Actually it was when I was in the kitchen both times that you started to have nightmares, that's when I was the farthest away." Dean recognized how this made it sound like they cuddled all day and night but he didn't really care. He just wanted to help Cas figure this whole thing out.

"We do share a profound relationship." Castiel stated it like it was nothing and he didn't notice how his words made Dean feel uneasy.

"Well yeah, you're my best friend, Cas."

Cas looked up and smiled deeply, it was so lovely to hear things like that. If he could live off of the feelings Dean and Sam gave him when they made him feel loved and cared for, he could almost live forever.

"I haven't seen any unsavory creatures yet but we should find shelter and perhaps a weapon for you."

"Hey, you know this is a dream now. Just wake up dude!"

"I'm sorry but it's not that simple."

"Is it like a djinn? Do you have to kill yourself to get out? Is Billy alive? Are reapers ever really alive to begin with?" Cas, having no answer, looked away unsure. Dean was agitated. "Cas! I came into your dream to help you! Now let me help dammit!" Dean wore a strict, big brother grimace.

Cas reluctantly sighed. "It's all my fault. I understand if you want to leave, I will fight this battle."

"Is it Billy?"

"Yes."

"Why? How?"

Cas motioned for Dean to join him and they started walking up the river to find a shelter. Their shoes trudged through the damp rough sand that was black with bits of brown and gray stones stuck in it. The bottom of their pant legs started to collect sand that would need to be shaken off later. Cas watched his footing and kept his gaze down while he explained.

"I knew that killing a reaper during a deal would have repercussions."

"But you said-"

"I lied."

"If a reaper is vanquished on a job they have a choice to go back for revenge. Most reapers don't choose it however. If chosen a small world is created in the mind of the person whom the reaper seeks its revenge in that person's dreams. I thought I might be immune to it."

"Angels don't sleep." Dean stated.

"And we don't dream."

"If that's the case, why didn't Death come after me after I ganked him?"

"Maybe he didn't want revenge. He's also not a reaper, technically."

"Okay. Cool! So what happens in the dream with the reaper?"

"The reaper is given the opportunity to take revenge."

"How?"

"Murder."

"I'm afraid whatever happens here affects our bodies in reality."

"But you're an angel."

"I'm not so sure."

"What does that mean?!" Dean stopped walking.

Cas took a few more steps then turned. "If I'm sleeping and if I'm dreaming I don't know what other angelic qualities have been relieved from me. Also…"

"Spit it out, Cas." Dean clenched his fists at his side unprepared for the bad news.

"When I fell into the river…it hurt." Cas looked down, embarrassed.

"Jesus, Cas! I didn't even ask you if you were okay! I just grabbed you and yelled at you… I'm sorry." Dean closed the distance between them. "Are you okay?"

The corner of Cas' mouth turned up a little before he spoke.

"I think so. Thank you. But Dean, you're always human. You can get hurt just as much as me in this place and then in the real world. Why are you so worried about me? You should leave before you get hurt."

Dean mentally kept his temper down. "You have a lot to learn about family. I'm not leaving you here and that's final. Now, how can we stop Billy in this dream?" They continued to walk again.

"I suppose my angel blade will do just fine."

"Okay great. Next time we see her-"

Dean couldn't believe how fast it happened. An arrow, shot from who knows where, landing itself right into Castiel's chest.


	4. Chapter 4 Burned Black

Dean reached as Cas fell back from the impact, landing so that he was still sitting up slightly.

"Cas!" Dean panicked.

Then another arrow grazed Dean's protective arm and buried itself into Cas' chest, a little left of the first arrow. Dean knew he had to find cover from the archer who was obviously Billy, but Dean only saw river and some trees on the other side of the winding raging water. Dean got an idea but wasn't too thrilled about it but given only a few seconds to think he rolled with it. Dean picked up Cas who was holding a loose hand around the arrows in his chest and screaming through his teeth while the other arm was tossed over Dean's strong shoulders. Dean jumped into the river! He held Cas' back against his chest making sure his face was above the water. Cas didn't lose consciousness but Dean didn't expect him to be able to swim in his condition. The current swiftly took them away from the strike zone just as Dean had hoped. As they drifted, between getting splashed in the face, Dean saw Billy with a recurve bow and a full quiver standing between trees on the opposite side of the river. She didn't jump into the water after them. This river was deep, a dozen feet deep at its shallowest. Smooth rocks and mud covered the riverbed but the water was too dark and thick for anyone to ever know that.

"Dean!" Cas yelled at the expense of swallowing a bit of the absolutely appalling river water. Dean gripped Cas' coat in one fist holding him tighter to his own body and tried to swim with the other. The water was wild and the blackness of it was unpleasantly tart in Dean and Cas' mouths. There was nothing Dean could have done to keep them from being pulled under this particular undertow. Dean clung on tight and Cas held fast to Dean's arm that was across his front in a desperate effort to not get separated. Neither man tried to swim once they were pulled under the water, there really was no point. They were pushed and pulled anyway the river wanted. The river took a sharp turn to the left and the waters calmed and Dean struggled to get them to shore. The water started to become shallow enough to stand and quickly was only up to his knees. Castiel collapsed there in the shallow water landing on his hands and knees. Dean didn't have the strength to keep him up. They both coughed black polluted water out of their lungs and stomachs. Dean remembered Benny telling him the water in the black river of purgatory was poisonous. Dean caught his breath soon and laid a hand on Cas' back who was throwing up the gunk back into the river.

"That's good. Get it all out." Dean implored him gently while rubbing his soaked back. After Cas' retching had calmed down Dean lifted his arm over his shoulder and helped him ashore. Dean looked around and was lucky to find a small space no bigger than a hotel bathroom between two large boulders that were at least twelve or so feet high. The stones came together at the back forming a nice open triangle shape however the tops were separated and therefore there was no roof. The gigantic stones' point back up against dirt that mounded up like a dune that was covered with grass at the top.

"Well, it's not four walls and a roof but I'll take two walls over nothing any day. C'mon Cas I found us a place to rest. This way." He marched them up the sandy bank and into the angular cove where he finally lay Cas down.

"Dean…" Cas grasped Dean's arms desperately in hopes to keep him close.

"Hey, bud. Hey." Dean was trying to stay positive and keep a brave face to help Cas calm down. It was going to be difficult to get the arrows out if his muscles were tense.

"Don't leave me." Cas hissed in pain.

"Wouldn't dream of it." Dean spoke calmly. "But hey, I'm just going to go back to the shore and try to find some wood or anything else to help us fortify our new place. Okay?" Cas shook his head no and squeezed his eyes. "I can't take out those arrows till I'm ready, if I do it now you'll bleed out. Got it? That bitch is on the other side of the river and I don't think she's going to risk crossing it. From what I can tell we made it a few miles riding the waves. I have time to get us organized before she catches up by foot. I won't be ten minutes. Kay?"

Cas looked up and was comforted by Dean's expression. "A beer run?" Cas whispered with a grin.

"Yeah, but minus the beer." Dean agreed with another smile. "Be right back."

Dean got up and walked towards the shore that was full of sticks and branches, since it was where the water calmed down there was all sorts of debris. Dean found long branches good for patching up a roof some with pine needles still attached. He piled them up in one place away from the water. He grabbed an armful of good sticks and wood that could be used to start a fire. Waterlogged wood burns for a long time one their dried in the sun but he would need smaller dry stuff to start the fire. Dean unloaded the fire fodder near the entrance of their little place then dragged the long branches up around to the top of the dirt dune and placed them across the stones while balancing on their edges.

"Be careful." Cas said looking up and hoping nothing would fall on him or especially his best friend. Dean took the opportunity to go look under the pine trees resting beyond the river bed. He didn't tell Cas he was going up there but he wouldn't be long. He found pineneedles that he stuffed into his jeans pockets and he gathered more sticks and small bark pieces. He could come back later to look for more things but he had to get back to Cas.

Dean got everything together to get a fire going. Without asking, Cas handed Dean his angel blade to strike against the stone to get sparks. After seventeen tries Dean finally got some smoke and slowly fed the tiny fire more dry pine needles. They snapped and cracked quickly as they burned and Dean added more sticks and finally a log to the fire.

"Okay. Now the arrows."

"Why did you make a fire to get arrows out?"

"Just lie still, Cas. Try not to think about it. Close your eyes." Dean watched Cas' face tense and release. "One, two-" He pulled out on two. Then Dean tossed the arrow carelessly to quickly grab and yank the other out without warning. Castiel didn't have time to complain. The arrows' holes were screaming pain into him. He couldn't stand how much it hurt. He grit his teeth at first, trying to not make too much noise but then Cas' eyes flung open at the sudden new pain on his chest. Dean was holding the burning end of small log against him. Cas writhed but Dean had already expected that and already had most of his weight on Cas' shoulder with the other hand and also his knee on Castiel's hip weighing him down.

Cas screamed attaching a single name onto the end. "DEEEEAN!" Tears streaked from the corners of his eyes down towards his ears. Dean pulled the hot stick off of him and spoke a single stern word.

"Breathe." And that was all the warning Castiel received before a second new stick from the fire was placed against the second hole for what seemed like eternity instead of seconds.

"C'mon Cas, breathe dammit!"

Cas was so tense underneath Dean's touch. But cauterizing his wounds was the only way method he could think of to save his angel. Castiel finally let out a long held breath and Dean removed the now blood stained stick and tossed it back into the fire.

Cas laid motionless but tense. His still clenched his eyes shut and he breathed heavily through his teeth and nose. "You didn't… tell me…that was your plan."

"I know. But you did great! It's going to be okay. The arrows didn't go far I think your ribs just perfectly protected you. She was also pretty far away." Dean was right. The first arrow was aimed perfectly for the heart but Billy's arrows, were shot from too far away to break through bone. The second arrow was stopped by Castiel's sternum. "I'm sorry though. I didn't like tricking you but I knew it had to be done."

Cas was starting to calm down and he poured out angelic forgiveness with a simple head nod. It didn't match the seriousness of the situation but it would do for now.

Dean sat next to Cas and watched his chest heave up and down from the trauma he had just caused. Cas turned his head to be able to watch Dean's overly concerned and guilty expression.

"Thank you, Dean." He spoke quietly.

"Thank you?" Dean spat.

"You provided excellent care." Cas shifted to look more directly at Dean.

"Yeah right." Dean mumbled. "Hey, don't be moving around so much or I'll have to do that again." Cas froze in place making wide eyes. "Okay, just relax you can move a little. Actually we should get out of these wet clothes. Dean carefully removed Cas' coat and suit jacket to dry first along with his own shirt. After those were dry Cas removed his own pants and shirt with minimal help and Dean covered him with his now dry trench coat.

"That was very thoughtful of you, Dean."

"Yeah well don't get used to it." Dean removed his jeans to dry next after putting his dry black T-shirt back on. "Sorry, dude." Dean apologized for being in skivvies.

"I do not mind." Cas said nonchalantly.

"Huh?" Dean made an uncomfortable face and tried to cover his lower half with his hands. "What are you trying to say, man?"

"Just that I don't mind. Dean, I put you back together after I pulled you from the pit. Piece by piece. It's nothing I haven't seen before."

"So you're telling me not to be worried that another dude just said he likes looking at me naked because you've done it before while I was passed out?!?"

"...Yes…" Castiel squinted while he replied unsure if that was the correct answer that Dean wanted. "You're angry."

"I...no. I'm sorry for freaking out. I'm just not totally open to that kind of stuff."

"What? Homosexuality?" Cas put it simply. Dean was all flustered at the mention of it and turned away. Cas continued. "You know there really is no difference. Love is love is love. Doesn't matter it's source or it's intended recipient. That doesn't change the love."

"No no. That's not it. People can do whatever they want. I don't give a shit. It just makes my skin crawl when it's about me."

"So the topic of homosexuality doesn't perturb you just the concept of you yourself possibly being homosexual?"

Dean stared for a moment then jerked to his answer. "YES! Can we drop the subject now?"

"You know Dean, I am technically genderless. Only my vessel is male. And my gender doesn't really have anything to do with my sexuality."

"Good for you."

"I can understand how that's hard for you to look past that because you've only ever known me to be in this vessel, but-"

"Cas!" Dean cut him off. "Cas, please can we drop it for now. Listen if you want to… get something off your chest please wait until we're back home. Okay?"

"Understood, Dean." Cas kept his monotone voice and his vague expression so Dean couldn't tell if he really had something else to say to him.

Dean patted the warmed clothes that were hung near the fire with sticks that he had dug into the ground. "Here." He tossed Cas' mostly dry pants and white shirt over next to him. "You get that back on and I'm going to go get more wood or something." Dean stepped out of view to get his jeans back on and huffed up the dune to the trees. Purgatory had always been this constant not-quite-day but not-quite-night feeling. Even then, Benny and Cas would let Dean get some sleep every now and again. Purgatory wasn't made for humans after all. The tree hung still with no wind whatsoever and Dean scoured around the area. It was when he heard something rustle to his left that he really jumped into action. Dean thought it must be Billy and he crouched low to the ground to avoid getting shot. He went over to the nearest tree and hid behind its wide trunk. Dean looked over his left shoulder and saw nothing and heard nothing else but right as he turned back forward a creature grabbed him fiercely and banged his head on the tree. It was a vampire. The vamp tried to grab Dean's short hair to pull his neck open but Dean put up his arm to block. Then suddenly the vamp let go and backed off. She stood there and looked wearily for a moment then ran away as if Dean was going to attack her back at any moment. She ran for her life. Dean didn't understand till he saw. The place where the arrow grazed his arm before getting Cas was terribly blackened. Benny said the river was poisonous. Maybe that's why they haven't seen any other creatures because they were so close to the river this whole time and they were all scared. Besides Dean had seen remnants of creatures and their clothing washed into the river. It was naive to think no one else was there. Dean recollected himself and jogged back to the miniature safe house where Cas was. Dean looked at the underside of his arm again. The black mixed with dry blood on the surface but below the cut you could see a black pool of gunk gathering around the abrasion like the nastiest bruise even Dean had ever seen. Dean made it back to the large stones and lost his balance a bit as he was coming down the dune too quickly.

"Cas!" Dean called as he made it to the gap by the fire but there was no reply. "Cas?" Dean feel to his knees alongside Castiel and came to realize he was not awake. "Cas!" Dean tried to rouse him by taking his face into his hands and slapping lightly. It worked.

"D-Dean?" Cas moaned.

"Dude, what happened?"

"It's so c-c-cold..." Cas shivered.

"What?" Dean whispered to himself and began unbuttoning the shirt that Cas had only just finished putting back on before Dean had left. Dean pulled the shirt apart to see the burnt marks he had made. Then he noticed the same vague black gunk just under Cas' skin bulging and spreading. "Shit. You got the crap too. We're poisoned Cas. The river water must have gotten into the wounds." Cas could barely keep his eyes open but made a tiny audible sound in response to Dean. "Shit, you're like ice." Dean ran back to the riverfront and grabbed as much wood as he could carry, stumbling on his own two feet again, and threw it all onto the established fire. Dean would never admit it but he was feeling dizzy. He thought it was the adrenaline rush from the vamp attack but if he was honest with himself it was the poison.

"Dean?"

"Hey, hey bud. It's okay. I'm here." Dean rubbed Cas' hair back and held his face with his palm. Cas looked up into Dean's eyes and passed out.

"Cas? CAS! Speak to me buddy!" Dean started to panic. "CAAS! Shit. No! No-no-no-no-no." Dean looked down at his friend that was now cradled close in his arms. "You can't do this to me buddy. You just can't…" Dean was struggling to hold back tears and failing. He then breathed down towards Castiel's unmoving face. "I was almost ready to hear what you had to get off your chest earlier. Please, Cas. Let's go home. I won't leave this place without you. Not again." Dean didn't catch Cas' light shallow breathing under his own silent sobs stifled. His lost his ability to feel such a subtle movement while he cried. Castiel was still just barely alive but Dean thought he was dead.

Just then, an arrow flew into the shelter and bounced off the boulder landing on the sand.

"HEY!" A loud scream came from across the river. It was an irate Billy.

"Good." Dean mumbled to himself and gently laid Cas down looking at him one last time before he got up to face her. Dean grabbed Castiel's angel blade and marched toward the calm river bend.

"Still scared to get a little wet, BITCH?!" Dean raved. "Come and face me like a WOMAN!" Dean was still marching towards the river. An arrow came right at him and he managed to actually dodge it by glancing back his shoulder. It did not impede his march whatsoever. Dean began to walk right into the water.

"That's poison you know!" Billy yelled setting a new arrow out of her quiver onto her bow.

"I ain't got nothin' to lose!!" Dean said before diving in under the water, angel blade first. An arrow splashed into the water near him but he was a few feet under and the arrow had lost all it's speed. Then another arrow that fell in front of him, again with no power. When Dean surfaced he was just able to stand with his chest above the top of the blackness and he marched forward while the water became shallower with every step. Billy shot another arrow at him landing directly into his gut that Dean didn't even bother to dodge. He was close enough. Billy reached back for another arrow only to find she only had one more left. She struggled to get it in place before Dean got any closer. Too late. Dean gripped it in his fist before she even pulled back the string. He took the arrow and snapped it in half.

"No." Billy couldn't believe it. "You should be dead. The water. The blackness. It kills all the monsters here!"

"I'm no monster." He seethed and pushed Billy to the ground and straddled her pinning her down. "That was your mistake. I'm no monster and neither was Cas. We're not meant to be in purgatory. It wasn't made for humans and angels." He slowly raised Castiel's angel blade up over his head with both hands. "I'm sending you to the abyss for killing my angel." Then Dean thoroughly swiped the blade down so hard that is made its way into the ground underneath Billy's body.

"...was?" Billy breathed her last breath.

Dean got up and stepped back. His dizziness was taking over and his arm and stomach felt like a huge chunks of ice. He grabbed his arm before blacking out and falling down.


	5. Chapter 5 Burned Black

Dean heard familiar voices around him.

"It's his stomach! Just like Cas' before!" A young man yelled.

"We need more gauze! Keep pressure on it!" A woman called back.

Dean heard running steps down a marble floored hall then felt a warmth in his hand. It was someone else, holding his hand and then squeezing it hard. Dean couldn't open his heavy eyes yet but he smelled blood, old paper and coffee. A hospital? A library? No, the bunker! Dean then tried to open his eyes.

"-ammy?" Dean groaned at the figure that he could barely make out with his parched throat.

"Dean!" Sam rejoiced. Following then, a moan from Cas who was tightly gripping Dean's hand lying next to him. His eyes were trying to pry open as well.

"Cas! What the hell you guys?! What happened to you?!" Sam kept pressure on Dean's belly wound. Dean picked his head up to see his mom come back into the room with gauze in her hands. She smiled and sighed relief at the same time. Dean then let his gaze fall onto the face of his angel who was looking blankly at him with his dry lips slightly parted.

"Cas?" Dean's eyes became glossy. "Cas...You died."

Cas only moved his head slowly from side to side without breaking eye contact wordlessly saying 'no'.

"But…"

"We need more thread, I'll go get it." Sam reported. "Dean, keep your hand on that."

"He's probably going to forget the curved needle." Mary motioned over her shoulder and ran down the hall after her son.

Cas never stopped looking at Dean then he said softly. "You cried."

"Yeah, I did." Dean wasn't going to deny it. Not to Cas anyway. He was done fighting it.

Castiel blinked and squeezed Dean's hand again. "Can I...Could we talk about that thing now?"

"...No" Dean was gentle in his response but it made Cas' brow furrow sadly. Dean continued. "You don't have to. I know." Cas looked outrageously confused and Dean couldn't stand for it. Dean moved his hand away from his bleeding wound up to Castiel's chin which he took between his thumb and forefinger to bring Cas' eyes to his.

"...Dean?"

"Shut-up, Cas."

And they kissed.


End file.
